Maybe I had enough of this disorganized life style
I have had this preconception, a fixed idea that I am a lonely widower and as such I need a woman who loves me. Because of this idea, I have attempted to meet women through various channels including dating apps and other places. It was all in vain. Maybe the fact that I have been a widower for the last four years has affected my mind while I did not realize it. Maybe I am already used to living alone. I just try to deny it and still have this thought that I need a woman. Maybe I really don't need one. Maybe I can live alone and feel better when I am totally alone. The reason why I failed to make a girl friend was, maybe, I just don't want one although I tell myself desperately that my loneliness cannot be dispelled unless I find a woman. Maybe it is about time that I should accept my reality in which I should and can live better and attain a peace of mind by staying alone. I already cut most of my ties to human beings. I cut connection to my old friends. There is only on