November visit to my wife's cemetery
Once a month, I go to my wife's cemetery. It was today that I went there for November. My physical checkup results are horrible. While driving to the place listening to Mozart Piano sonata no. 8, I thought that maybe next year this time I could be dead and will be not making this regular visit. The plastic flower wreath surrounding her urn containing wall got dirty. I inserted an entry "change the wreath" into my scheduler. I still have responsibilities to live for my two sons. I also have parents to support with my meagre income. There is no joy in my life. I crack stupid jokes to people and but inside I am still the same sad person that I was during my wife's disease and right after her death. I should not lie to myself. My life sucks. The only exit or solution I have about my pathetic life is to accept that I am miserable and unhappy. Who knows? Maybe I could feel a little better and even find something similar to happiness when I accept my reality. I wil