The biggest change her death brought to me
The biggest change in my life that my wife’s death brought about is that I cannot take this life seriously anymore. She was a good woman, did nothing bad to anybody. And she died of horrible disease and never had a chance to say goodbye to me because the brain tumor robbed her of ability to reason and speak. It was a kind of big scam that was committed to her and me and my kids. The scam was committed by the life itself. The universe itself. I always feel disgusted at such injustice. Everything can happen and it my case it was every shit that happened. Why did she have to go through such a pain? Nobody or nothing can answer that question in this world. This is a disgusting world. In the novel, “Karamazov’s brothers”, there is a part where one of the protagonists says that he refuses an entry to the paradise because God allows a situation where a small child of a feudal slave is torn apart by wild dogs released by a lord just because the boy slightly hurt one of his animals.