A widower groping his way

I keep listening to this song these days. Even my sons are singing it because they see me listening to the tune every night. After my wife's not very successful brain surgery that failed to remove the tumor but only served as biopsy, my wife was hospitalized for two weeks for recovery. Every night, I slept beside her. On a rainy night, while smoking a cigarette on a bench right in front of the hospital building, I remembered this song and sang it. The lyric just seemed to be written to describe my situation. Raindrops keep fallin' on my head And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed Nothin' seems to fit Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin' So I just did me some talkin' to the sun And I said I didn't like the way he got things done Sleepin' on the job Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin' But there's one thing I know The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me It won't be long

Isnt't this pathetic? After spending 43 years on this planet, I have no friend to have a drink after visiting my sick wife with pneumonia at the hospital. Among the few friends that I have, nobody has time to spend together with me. They are all busy with their normal life. I am alone at this cafe with my notebook and a bottle of beer in front of me. From an objective viewpoint, I may be one the unluckiest human beings in the world. For the last four years, I had four surgeries - two for saliva stone and two for clavicle fracture. When I finally removed stitch from the last surgery, I found that my wife had one of the worst brain tumors the very next day. That is three months ago. After that, my life has been a free fall without interruption. Anti-cancer drugs brought paralysis of right limbs, diabetes, and pneumonia to my wife. She is now in a critical condition of pneumonia with her life in danger. I said goodnight to my wife and now drinking beer in a pub. My wife's diseas

came to ER yesterday afternoon right after the doctor at radiotherapy told us that pneumonia came back. The oncologist told me that the cause of the pneumonia seemed to be Temodar - anticancer pill- though they are not 100 percent sure. By the way, the probability for Temodar to cause pneumonia is 1 in 5,000 patients. I am not even surprised anymore by my crappy bad luck. Chemotherapy gives me nothing but disappointment and despair. A site I read today says eating Temodar only adds 2.5 months to the life expectancy of cancer patients. What a pathetic figure. Moreover, that 2.5 months will be wasted on treatment of other diseases due to the deterioration of immunity caused by Temodar which not only kills cancer cells but also while blood cells. I am seriously considering putting a definite end to chemotherapy once my wife gets out of this pneumonia. I want to give her LIFE back not a shadow of life barely managed by doctors who are only interested in using patients as their cases not a