And First day of the year 2018
almost the same as yesterday. been in the house all day long. Seungho played with his friends in his room. Jiho went out at 12 pm. played games. smoked cigarettes. ate meals. and now I am alone in the house again. (this break was for another smoking). I can make a few changes for this year. I will stop smoking. More specifically, I will stop buying them. I will stop trying to connect to people. I have done it for three years and it did not make me happy. I felt worse because the more I hang out with people, the more I realize what I lost. My wife. My past normal life. What I miss cannot come back again. I want to be with my wife in bed. I want to touch her, embrace her, kiss her and make love to her. Not just any woman but only her. It is just crazy that I was trying many ways, craiglist, tinder, okcupid, to find a woman that will fill the void left by my wife's death. They are not my wife. And I am not the same man who met my wife back in 1992, which was more than 2