A widower groping his way

How can one forget about miseries of life? Only by having too many urgent stuffs to do, no matter how little or insignificant they may be. It can be buying something or defrosting frozen water pipes. As long as I am occupied with those little stuffs, I can forget about my lonely life and my dead wife. Maybe that is the secret of endurable life of a widower. Make a long list of things to do and whenever I feel shittly, I take the list out and work on it.

First thing, first. Please stop smoking. Quit it. This unhealthy habit is physically and mentally destroying you. It is like trying to run with heave bags of sand tied to each of your legs. So counterproductive. So stupid. Accept the reality that you will stay a lone widower long time, very likely until you die. So, the point is not whether you can find someone who will make your life less miserable. It is whether you can make your life bearable by making your body and mind healthier and resistant to gloomy thoughts and feelings. If you think about it, it is so simple and also stupid. You are already always tired and find no joy in your life. Smoking just makes things worse. But you still do that. It is not even like that you can smoke yourself to death. It surprises you that you have been doing this stupid shit for so long. First things, first. I should quit smoking before I even try any other things to feel better. As long as I do not break free from this vicious cycle of smokin