Thoughts on a Tuesday
When my wife died, I lost all the hope about the world. For people outside, I may look like leading a normal life. But I am not. My world that I had before my wife got cancer and died has been erased beyond recognition. I am not living in the same world anymore. I smoke repeatedly though I know my body is not in a proper condition. I have difficulty in breathing every morning when I wake up. Back in the spring of 2013, I had a similar problem and I quit at that time for about one year. This time, I seem to not able to draw the same determination as I did back then. What has changed since the last time I quit? I don’t know for sure. Maybe, I really have no desire to live anymore. Maybe I am really sick and tired of this thing called living. I feel lonely all the time. I feel I am alienated from the normal world. My world is so empty. I want to have someone in my bed at night. I want to hug and be hugged by someone. I want to kiss someone. The problem is that someone is not anybo