November visit to my wife's cemetery
Once a month, I go to my wife's cemetery. It was today that I went there for November. My physical checkup results are horrible.
While driving to the place listening to Mozart Piano sonata no. 8, I thought that maybe next year this time I could be dead and will be not making this regular visit.
The plastic flower wreath surrounding her urn containing wall got dirty. I inserted an entry "change the wreath" into my scheduler.
I still have responsibilities to live for my two sons. I also have parents to support with my meagre income. There is no joy in my life. I crack stupid jokes to people and but inside I am still the same sad person that I was during my wife's disease and right after her death. I should not lie to myself. My life sucks. The only exit or solution I have about my pathetic life is to accept that I am miserable and unhappy. Who knows? Maybe I could feel a little better and even find something similar to happiness when I accept my reality.
While driving to the place listening to Mozart Piano sonata no. 8, I thought that maybe next year this time I could be dead and will be not making this regular visit.
The plastic flower wreath surrounding her urn containing wall got dirty. I inserted an entry "change the wreath" into my scheduler.
I still have responsibilities to live for my two sons. I also have parents to support with my meagre income. There is no joy in my life. I crack stupid jokes to people and but inside I am still the same sad person that I was during my wife's disease and right after her death. I should not lie to myself. My life sucks. The only exit or solution I have about my pathetic life is to accept that I am miserable and unhappy. Who knows? Maybe I could feel a little better and even find something similar to happiness when I accept my reality.
I will go home this evening and listen to Bach's cantatas and read Bachelard's book. I just feel like doing it. Life goes on until I drop dead.
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