A widower groping his way

Speech problem of my wife is not getting any better. Everyday she fails to say exact words to describe a thing or a situation. No sign of physical difficulties as yet. But her mind seems to be not clear. I read some bad descriptions about language problems of brain cancer patients. For example, cases where the patient finally gets to the point that she/he cannot understand what is being said by other people let alone inability to express their thoughts. It just makes me shiver to imagine such situation. I cannot get myself to work. I cannot write anything. I cannot think about the better future. I cannot make my mind calm. I cannot do anything.

In June 2010, the oncologist told me that my wife has only three weeks or so before she becomes fatally sick meaning 'dies'. Since then 4 months have elapsed. She is still with me. She is quite good. I am sure that this is mostly thanks to polymva I gave her since late June because I had to stop all conventional therapies like chemo or radiation last year due to too many fatal complications. MRI taken two weeks ago showed that her original tumor did not grow. Unfortunately, there are also some bad news. Cancer is newly advancing to upper part of the brain. She also has two new small tumors in addition to existing two ones. One of the small tumors is somewhat bigger than other ones and is affecting her language ability and short-term memory. I seem to have reaped one-third success. Stopped the original tumor from growing but failed to prevent advancement of cancer to other area and emergence of new tumors. Strangely, I am more worried than I was in June when I knew she had onl

I am waiting for the radioactive oncologist at the hospital to hear his plan for treatment of my wife's tumor. The worst news would be that she will die soon and nothing can be done to stop it from happening. I can accept the news but I will do everything to make her live as long as she will be allowed to.

It's been a while since my wife had returned home from the hospital. For now, things are almost normal. She cooks and takes care of our kids' study also meet her friends nearby. The MRI result in December showed that her tumor neither got bigger nor shrank. I have a vague hope that it has something to do with flaxseed oil she has been eating since late November and also vegetable she eats everyday. Of course, I don't know for sure. The median survival expectancy of 11 months looms gloomily over my head and I look at her with a feeling of uneasy fear about what may happen in the coming months. I hope for miracle but I am also afraid of the future.