지나간 생일
여보. 2월 4일에 내가 당신 묘지에 갔지. 어제는 밥먹는데 지호가 갑자기 물어봤다. 말을 잘 안하는 녀석인데. 2월 4일에 뭐했냐고. 그래서 묘지에 갔다 왔다고 했지. 나는 당신 잊지 않았고, 애들도 당신을 잊지는 않았다. 3년이 다 되어 가지만.
나한테 신호를 좀 보내라고 해도 들은 척도 안하는 당신이지만, 난 아직도 매일 생각하고 기억한다.
My wife heesun died on May 2nd, 2012 at 12:05 pm. My attempt to cure her of glioblastoma was a big fat failure. Or I might say, I had a success in prolonging her life up to 34 months with unsuccessful surgery, interrupted chemo and radiation and numerous supplements. But her quality of life during the last 20 months was so bad that I hesitate to call what we had a success. Anyway, now is the time for me to move on just like my wife did. Since my wife died, I turned my focus on to different topics. They are near-death experience and quantum physics. I want to understand the reality behind what happened to us and what she would have from the moment she left me. One recent realization that I had is time may not flow and all the past moments simply exist forever as they were in the time-space continuum in the universe. That means I can still love my wife in the past because she still exists in the frozen "presents" that are scattered in the whole continuum.
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