Living alone

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Life goes on and I am here.

Things changed and happened to me for the last two months. But I am still here caught in this planet of crazy monkeys. Why am I still here when my wife died seven years ago and I am always feeling that I am in the wrong place and time? Because I have no direction in my life. Because I have no mission to accomplish in this life. Whatever I do, I do it because of the law of inertia. I keep doing stupid and meaningless things in my life. I thought if I cut myself off from the outside world, I could find a meaning or a purpose in my life. I was wrong. As long as there is me, this thinking brain, in this world, the world will not be a different place. Unless I kill myself as an animal, a sick animal always thinking of, seeking a way out from this world, the world will be always the same. Maybe, the world has no problem. Just like nature has no problem. Animals and plants are out there enjoying their existence, just accepting what the world is. They make no plans. They don't worry abo...
Read more

Wife's last message

Image
Cognitive abilities of Heesun got worse and worse as the tumor invaded the brain stem. The first sign was when she put supplements that were kept outside the refrigerator into the fridge on September 26th, 2010. She forgot words and her language abilities began to slowly collapse. Eventually, it became impossible to have a normal conversation with her in October 2010. Since then, I communicated with her through fragmentary phrases until June 2011. Since August 2011, even that became impossible. What tormented me for the last 20 months was lack of improvement in Heesun’s condition in spite of repeated attempts with new supplements. But what made my heart sink even more was that I could not have meaningful conversations with my wife who is getting far away from this world. In my fight against the disease, she was beside me physically, but she was not able to be there for me mentally. Even on her deathbed, I did not hear a single word from her mouth. I was so occupied with the fight tha...
Read more

When I see her smiling in the photo.

Image
I look at Heesun’s photo in which she and I are smiling together. It was two months before she was hospitalized because she became unable to eat. I miss her so much and I want to cry. No matter what I do, no matter what philosophy and theory I use, I cannot deny the fact that I am left alone.
Read more