After all, I am a widower
I install okcupid and delete them over and over again. I see some kind-looking face and think of sending a message but give up soon enough.
Five years of living as a loner have changed me. I realize that. I am hesitant about starting or even trying a new relationship. I just find myself not wanting to go into another woman's life.
I almost always feel lonely but when a time comes to decide if I want to connect to a woman, I step back. I worry if starting something new will bring me more problems than soothing my soul.
Regardless of whether I admit it or not, I am used to living alone. I still hate it. But I really got used to it. No wonder things have become like that, because I am talking about five years of staying alone still missing my wife.
Somehow, I think living this lonely life might be better than meeting someone new. After all, I don't know what kind of headaches and problems might arise if I meet someone who is not as understanding as my dead wife. She really spoiled me in that regard. She was so sweet and understanding compared to my mother with toxic temper.
When you have memories of living with such a woman under the same roof, every attempt seems risky and pregnant with mishaps.
It is raining today. Lots of rain and thunder. I will just go home, listen to good music, fix dinner and drink beer and go to bed. Like a good widower should do.
Five years of living as a loner have changed me. I realize that. I am hesitant about starting or even trying a new relationship. I just find myself not wanting to go into another woman's life.
I almost always feel lonely but when a time comes to decide if I want to connect to a woman, I step back. I worry if starting something new will bring me more problems than soothing my soul.
Regardless of whether I admit it or not, I am used to living alone. I still hate it. But I really got used to it. No wonder things have become like that, because I am talking about five years of staying alone still missing my wife.
Somehow, I think living this lonely life might be better than meeting someone new. After all, I don't know what kind of headaches and problems might arise if I meet someone who is not as understanding as my dead wife. She really spoiled me in that regard. She was so sweet and understanding compared to my mother with toxic temper.
When you have memories of living with such a woman under the same roof, every attempt seems risky and pregnant with mishaps.
It is raining today. Lots of rain and thunder. I will just go home, listen to good music, fix dinner and drink beer and go to bed. Like a good widower should do.
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