October came

Long holidays. And it still did not end. I still have four days ahead before the end of the holidays.

I do not know what I should or would do. ...

And now I am on the 17th days of October.

It seems to my gloomy existence will not let up any day sooner. Five years passed and I am still lost in my life. My wife died and I am lost. Things do not get better.

I have no idea where I am going to. I am tired of living. I want to stop everything including living day by day.

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