I know my life is in a serious mess.

Everyday, I fall and hate myself for not being strong. I don't know where I am headed to in this life of a lonely widower. 

 I have no plan, no purpose, no objective. Time passes and I have days or years to live before I meet my wife again. 

 I try to lie to myself that things will be OK but I know I have no real answer. Everything was for real and suddenly my life became something I don't find any logic or reasons behind it. 

 Now I don't even know if I want to keep going or just hang myself. If only there is a sign that she is watching over me and wanting me to change my life for the better. 

 I lost my way. I lost my life. I lost myself. 

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