Changed the blog title
I have been buried in my despair and disorganized life for too long. My health and morale is at the lowest level ever. I was not like this even during the months after my wife died.
I smoked for more than two years now after successfully quitting for one year. I am chronically tired and my mind is not clear. A few days ago, I made a stupid and shameless advance to a woman that I hardly know. It can be explained as a symptom of desperate loneliness but it also reflects the status of my mental balance verging on the lack of common sense.
I was gloomy and sad in the winter of 2012 and spring of 2013. But at that time, I still had a dignity and a good level of self-restraint. However, now, all I see when I look in the mirror is a loser with no self-respect who walks deeper and deeper into a mud of self-hatred and self-contempt every single day.
I cannot live like this forever. Sooner or later, I will have a lung cancer or make more stupid mistakes than asking a stranger to go to bed with me.
Some drastic and courageous change is necessary. If I don't try new change, this lifestyle will get the better of me and I will just implode or explode.
I will write a post for this blog everyday from now on. I will report to myself what improvement or mistakes I have made everyday. I need this to get better. Seriously.
I smoked for more than two years now after successfully quitting for one year. I am chronically tired and my mind is not clear. A few days ago, I made a stupid and shameless advance to a woman that I hardly know. It can be explained as a symptom of desperate loneliness but it also reflects the status of my mental balance verging on the lack of common sense.
I was gloomy and sad in the winter of 2012 and spring of 2013. But at that time, I still had a dignity and a good level of self-restraint. However, now, all I see when I look in the mirror is a loser with no self-respect who walks deeper and deeper into a mud of self-hatred and self-contempt every single day.
I cannot live like this forever. Sooner or later, I will have a lung cancer or make more stupid mistakes than asking a stranger to go to bed with me.
Some drastic and courageous change is necessary. If I don't try new change, this lifestyle will get the better of me and I will just implode or explode.
I will write a post for this blog everyday from now on. I will report to myself what improvement or mistakes I have made everyday. I need this to get better. Seriously.
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