I hate December.
Christmas. New Year. Lovers get together and have a good time. They walk in the snow covered street. Not for me.
I always hated December since my wife died and this year is not an exception. I got weaker, sicker and gloomy more than any year before. I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas in the bed alone while kids were out to play or do the part-time job.
I was alone and it was a prelude of what to come after 10 years from now. I will be lying in the bed during holidays. No doubt. If I don't die until then, I will be in my bed as if I am already dead. Who cares? I don't care. This was how my life was meant to be. My final destination. My wife, Heesun, was just a detour. She stopped for a while my life not to be like this but it was too difficult a task for her. So she died with cancer. And I am back to square one. My real life. A life lived alone in the bed.
I always hated December since my wife died and this year is not an exception. I got weaker, sicker and gloomy more than any year before. I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas in the bed alone while kids were out to play or do the part-time job.
I was alone and it was a prelude of what to come after 10 years from now. I will be lying in the bed during holidays. No doubt. If I don't die until then, I will be in my bed as if I am already dead. Who cares? I don't care. This was how my life was meant to be. My final destination. My wife, Heesun, was just a detour. She stopped for a while my life not to be like this but it was too difficult a task for her. So she died with cancer. And I am back to square one. My real life. A life lived alone in the bed.
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