Last day of 2017

If I don't change it, I will do the same thing as I did yesterday. I will go out and smoke every hour when the air is so dirty. I will play PS4 game all day long. I will just live like a zombie today. Just like yesterday. I need to change things. This is no fun. This not helping me at all. This does not make me feel good. 

 What already happened has happened. My wife, Heesun, died. I am expecting to live as a widower until the end of my life here in this dirty country. Nothing can change the past. 

 I can feel better if I accept everything as my only reality. There is no changing the fate. I should try to find small fun in this life with no way out. I should minimize every distraction in my life. I should speak less, do less, and live less. That will make this life endurable. I should go out less and stay home more. I should stay inside my room. That is the way I will live the new year. 






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