Mozart

You watch a horror movie and the night is deep. You smoke a cigarette. You think you should stop smoking because eventually you will face the consequence of your action. 

You drink a glass of wine. You think about an American widower who always writes great prose about his life on his blog. He is wise and calm. He is full of wisdom that only a wise widower can have.

You think you are one messed-up widower. You think the reason you keep smoking is that you find nothing important, nothing to strive for in this life. You just want to spend the time while thinking about nothing. The best way to waste time is to smoke.  

You have a very ominous feeling that you will smoke again when you finish the wine. The only thing that lends a bright light to your life is music of Mozart. Even when your wife is dead and cannot keep company for you, Mozart is still there. You think the last thing on your mind when you die will be music of Mozart. 

When you were going through unhappy adolescence, Mozart showed you a different world where everything shines with order and harmony. When you drove to work every morning after taking care of your sick wife, you listened to Mozart’s piano concerto No. 7, Mov. 2. It was the only comfort you had in those days. No other human beings did that for you at that time. There was only Mozart for you. 

Even before that, when you hated the reality of having to go to work on Monday, you drank beer and listened to Requiem every Sunday night. Those with strong stomach that can digest meaningless repetition of life don’t need Mozart. But you need Mozart. You always think you will be entitled to have a meeting with Mozart when you die. You listened to Mozart every single day in your life since you got to know his music. 

Mozart will hate this idea. But to you, his music is a kind of opium that helps you stand this meaningless shitty life that you have had since you were a teenager. It is an irony that no human beings were able to provide the consolation to you that the short and homely-looking German who died of bankruptcy and disease more than 200 years ago has been giving you for the last 30 years.

You are not successful. You don’t make a lot of money. You are alone and lonely. You achieved nothing of lasting value in this messed-up life. But you found Mozart. You listen to his music everyday. You told your wife that the only good thing that happened in your life was to marry her. You can say the same thing about Mozart. The only thing that keeps you going through this ugly and meaningless life is Mozart.