Boring existence

My life is like a movie that I watched too many times. It got boring. I wish I could erase my existence. I wish I could wipe away my existence like a dirt on a window glass. Of course, I can't do it. I have no joy in my life. I have nothing to expect except my death. If everything is already decided, there is no point in trying things. All I can do is to shut up and watch the boring movie again and again till my eyes pop out because of boredom. 

I have been to Heesun's cemetery during the lunch time. I took a photo of my hand on the stone that covers her urn. 

Taking things too seriously always make things really serious. That is what happened when I panicked about my wife's cancer. If I had taken a different view of things happening at that time, maybe I could have had a chance of saving her, although that was also very unlikely. 

It is still valid for the rest of my life. If I took my life too seriously, it will become an unpleasant mess. If I took it just as a game, it will go smooth and I can relatively easily see it through until the end. Yes. That is the key. Everything is a joke. A bad taste cosmological joke.