Nothing changed after May, 2nd, 2012
Heesun died on 2nd of May, 2012. Four years have passed. Nothing changed. I am still living in confusion and disillusionment. I still have not made peace with the world. I will not do it until I die and see her again, I guess.
I cannot shake away the feeling that I was left alone in this empty world. It would be better if I could leave this world right now, which I cannot do because of my sons.
What is there for me to do until I die? What needs to be done? Nothing really. Nothing at all.
When it is almost sunset, I can go up to a hill, sit on a chair and wait for the sun to set slowly and the night to come. Just like that, I can sit here in the office, lie down in the bed at home and wait for the sunset of my own life. And when that finally happens, I won't have to think about my boring and pathetic and unpleasant life after Heesun's death anymore. Just like I turn on a timer and see the time flows, I can wait and see until the time flows from my fingers like grains of sand and my life runs to its destination, the death.
I cannot shake away the feeling that I was left alone in this empty world. It would be better if I could leave this world right now, which I cannot do because of my sons.
What is there for me to do until I die? What needs to be done? Nothing really. Nothing at all.
When it is almost sunset, I can go up to a hill, sit on a chair and wait for the sun to set slowly and the night to come. Just like that, I can sit here in the office, lie down in the bed at home and wait for the sunset of my own life. And when that finally happens, I won't have to think about my boring and pathetic and unpleasant life after Heesun's death anymore. Just like I turn on a timer and see the time flows, I can wait and see until the time flows from my fingers like grains of sand and my life runs to its destination, the death.
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