봄
집으로 오는 차안에서 봄을 느꼈다. 바람, 공기, 햇볕. 모두 봄이 왔다는 느낌을 강하게 준다. 희선은 봄에 죽었다. 희선이 병에 걸린 것을 알기 바로 한달 전 남산으로 소풍을 갔었다. 모든 것이 깨어지기 전의 평화였다. 그 마지막 4월이. 죽을 때까지, 영원히 봄에는 행복할 수 없을 거라는 생각을 한다.
Life goes on and I am here.
Things changed and happened to me for the last two months. But I am still here caught in this planet of crazy monkeys. Why am I still here when my wife died seven years ago and I am always feeling that I am in the wrong place and time? Because I have no direction in my life. Because I have no mission to accomplish in this life. Whatever I do, I do it because of the law of inertia. I keep doing stupid and meaningless things in my life. I thought if I cut myself off from the outside world, I could find a meaning or a purpose in my life. I was wrong. As long as there is me, this thinking brain, in this world, the world will not be a different place. Unless I kill myself as an animal, a sick animal always thinking of, seeking a way out from this world, the world will be always the same. Maybe, the world has no problem. Just like nature has no problem. Animals and plants are out there enjoying their existence, just accepting what the world is. They make no plans. They don't worry abo...
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