Things happened to me because I invited them?

“There is nothing in your exterior experience that did not originate within you.”

If I can accept this sentence from “The Nature of Personality” by Seth, I can make peace with everything happened to me during last five years. Broken collarbone, wife’s cancer, my abortive effort to save her and her eventual death. If what Seth said is right, then, all the things happened because I invited them though it feels as if I never did that.

To put it simply, my life became shitty because I have thought all along that life is supposed to be shitty. It is like that those misfortunes were guests I had invited but I just forgot that I had sent them invitations.

Now that my life is a sunken ship, am I ready to change my thoughts to change my life? No. I feel anger toward the universe, God, or whatever, maybe myself and don’t care anymore. Because I have lost the center of my normal life, which was my wife. I have nothing to restore or recover. I am living in the rubble of what I used to have as a normal life. Time will pass beside me and I will just sit and wait for this silly farce to end.