Wife's last message
Cognitive abilities of Heesun got worse and worse as the tumor invaded the brain stem. The first sign was when she put supplements that were kept outside the refrigerator into the fridge on September 26th, 2010. She forgot words and her language abilities began to slowly collapse. Eventually, it became impossible to have a normal conversation with her in October 2010. Since then, I communicated with her through fragmentary phrases until June 2011. Since August 2011, even that became impossible.
What tormented me for the last 20 months was lack of improvement in Heesun’s condition in spite of repeated attempts with new supplements. But what made my heart sink even more was that I could not have meaningful conversations with my wife who is getting far away from this world. In my fight against the disease, she was beside me physically, but she was not able to be there for me mentally. Even on her deathbed, I did not hear a single word from her mouth. I was so occupied with the fight that took three years that I did not tell her that I loved her or hear the same thing from my wife as often as I wanted.
Today, I turned on Heesun’s cell phone that had been suspended long time ago, in the hope that I might find any recordings of her voice. There was none. But I found a text message Heesun sent to me on our wedding anniversary on January 27th, 2010. I totally forgot about the message as I changed my cell phone later. Reading the message made me cry out loud for about 5 minutes. Fortunately, kids were out to play in an Internet Cafe. I used to tell Heesun, before she got the tumor, that the best thing that happened in my life was marrying her. Heesun’s message read, My love, I thank you for marrying me. Her message reminded me that I was not the only one who felt that way.
What tormented me for the last 20 months was lack of improvement in Heesun’s condition in spite of repeated attempts with new supplements. But what made my heart sink even more was that I could not have meaningful conversations with my wife who is getting far away from this world. In my fight against the disease, she was beside me physically, but she was not able to be there for me mentally. Even on her deathbed, I did not hear a single word from her mouth. I was so occupied with the fight that took three years that I did not tell her that I loved her or hear the same thing from my wife as often as I wanted.
Today, I turned on Heesun’s cell phone that had been suspended long time ago, in the hope that I might find any recordings of her voice. There was none. But I found a text message Heesun sent to me on our wedding anniversary on January 27th, 2010. I totally forgot about the message as I changed my cell phone later. Reading the message made me cry out loud for about 5 minutes. Fortunately, kids were out to play in an Internet Cafe. I used to tell Heesun, before she got the tumor, that the best thing that happened in my life was marrying her. Heesun’s message read, My love, I thank you for marrying me. Her message reminded me that I was not the only one who felt that way.
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