월요일 아침
아들들이 성인이 되기 전에 내가 죽지 않는다면, 그래서 가사의 책임에서 벗어날 수 있다면 지금과는 다른 세상이 열릴 것이다.
그때가 되면 죽음을 앞당길 수도 있고, 다른 나라를 보러 갈 수도 있다. 지금은 세상이란 것 자체에 정이 떨어졌지만, 그때가 되면 다를 수도 있다. 그러나 가장 중요한 것은 그때가 오지 않을 수도 있다는 점이다. 희선에게 그런 일이 벌어진 것처럼.
무슨 상관인가.
My wife heesun died on May 2nd, 2012 at 12:05 pm. My attempt to cure her of glioblastoma was a big fat failure. Or I might say, I had a success in prolonging her life up to 34 months with unsuccessful surgery, interrupted chemo and radiation and numerous supplements. But her quality of life during the last 20 months was so bad that I hesitate to call what we had a success. Anyway, now is the time for me to move on just like my wife did. Since my wife died, I turned my focus on to different topics. They are near-death experience and quantum physics. I want to understand the reality behind what happened to us and what she would have from the moment she left me. One recent realization that I had is time may not flow and all the past moments simply exist forever as they were in the time-space continuum in the universe. That means I can still love my wife in the past because she still exists in the frozen "presents" that are scattered in the whole continuum.
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