From the end of 2014 to the beginning of 2015

So, this is me. Smoking until the last day of 2014. Dumping the cigarettes with a renewed determination. Sipping a cup of wine. Listening to Chopin’s Piano Concerto on a bluetooth speaker. Being surrounded by three monitors. Two Mac computers and one Windows notebook. Typing this at 1:50 AM in the first day of 2015. My life is totally void of a female touch. Not a trace of my wife’s presence in this room, in this house. As nerdy as a widower can be. It is just amazing how different my life has become from the life I had with my wife. It is not the same world anymore. There is just movie on my monitor and classical music on my car stereo or speakers. No voice of a woman in the house. I must have really made a big mistake when I stepped into this world. If I had any say in the process of coming into this world, I must have hated it and must have been very reluctant to come here. Then, why did I do that? To meet my wife? And to lose her so fast? Sartre wrote that the hell is the others. I would say that existence is the hell. If I had the power, I would, I want to erase my existence. Why am I here? What’s the purpose?