April 7, 2015

I am just travelling through this world. I am not stuck in this world. All the things that have happened to me are nothing but illusion. When I leave this dimension and go into another one, I will find a whole new world, where there is no death or separation from the one I love. Life is a long and boring joke that eventually ends. 

Nothing is serious enough to deserve agonizing over it. Everything will be wiped away sooner or later. Just like my wife's body was erased, my body will be broken and dumped away. I don't have to think and live as if I will stay here forever. What remains is my consciousness and everything else will be gone. I am just a traveler here. 

I should not go back in memory to the time when all I had was despair and fear watching my wife slowly dying for more than one year. I should not think about the past or the future. I should not think at all. I should just forget everything. I should be like a stone that feels nothing. I should stay away from people and myself. I should try to become a stone. I should stop thinking and feeling and hoping. I should become like an animal that only lives in the present. I should drop all the hopes and desires. I should feel nothing.