My world is crumbling down

My world is crumbling down. Just like my body and my mind. I see no clear way ahead of me. I don't know what to do with my life. I live as if I have no tomorrow. I waste my life over futile things. I am trapped in my own idea of what my life is like. And the idea is dark and gloomy.

I need to stay away from my thoughts and feelings. They are toxic. I am sick of playing the role of a pathetic and lonely widower. I am sick of hearing myself think and feel. I need to run away from me. I need to go someplace where even I cannot find myself. These petty miseries of mine. This stupid and useless thoughts and feelings of me. I need to forget about myself. I need to ignore myself. Close my eyes and try to listen to the sound of the world outside other than noise in my head. 

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