My purpose here in this life

I read a book called "Many lives, many masters." It is a psychiatrist's record of a patient who remembers her past lives during hypnosis sessions.

The subject and content is nothing new to me. But this time, I had a thought about why I became a widower. Maybe, I planned this life as a chance to learn loneliness. That is why Heesun had to die and I cannot find any hope or desire of meeting another person who will replace her.

If so, I should live alone and die alone. I should learn the meaning of solitude until I die. Rather than trying to get back closer to people, I should stay alone and cut myself from other people.

After all, I don't find much meaning in mingling with people. And for them, I am just someone who reminds of unpleasant possibility of losing one's spouse.

Someone told me that I should meet people more often. I think that is a problematic advice. They don't please me because they have what I lost. And I am not a pleasant sight for them because I represent what they want to stay away from. What good can be expected from the gathering of these two opposites? I see none.